Like Water Through My Fingers
by Anamnesis Redivivus
Summary: Someone whom Éomer lost to his friend and rival miraculously becomes obtainable through a strange turn of events...but is he going to follow his heart or mind? Rated PG13 2b safegenerally G to PG. ÉomerOC bc it’s b4 he even met Lothíriel COMPLE
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from J.R.R. Tolkien's works. I'd be happy to own them if they would be given to me free of charge...only possible in my dreams, but by Eru I have my right to dream whatever my subconscious would throw at me!

A/N: Grr! I like this idea, but it sidetracked me from the one I was planning to devote all of my attention to... Whatever. I hope you like it! It's going to be sad, I'll warn you now. Set about a year before LOTR. Please review to let me know what you think!

***

" Go! Go now! Follow the crowd!"

A man held a slightly dull sword as he looked back at a woman. There was great terror in her eyes as she lingered by the man's side. She was afraid to leave him. What would happen if she left him here? Would they meet again? So many thoughts occupied her mind as she hesitated. Only one thought was in the man's mind - protect his love.

" Do not worry about me! Just Go! I will catch up with you!"

That did not really make her insecurity vanish. She still stood bewilderedly be his side. Specs of torchlight began to grow bigger as time passed. A new group of fleeing crowd overwhelmed the woman now, not caring if she wanted to stay. They were too terrified to consider others in their way. She was against the path of the mass, unable to make her way to the man with the sword. Dozens of men also held weapons, but not swords. These farmers held pitchforks and axes, somewhat frightened by the coming enemies. Their courage hung by a thin thread of hope as they looked on at their leader. That leader was holding a dull sword, the only real weapon in the village.

" I'll be safe! Go Fieren!"

The woman named Fieren cried as she shouted " find me, Deroth!"

He smiled at her to reassure her, then became dreadfully grim as he turned around to face the foul intruders. Fieren could see the cluster of bloodthirsty Orcs coming his way, savagely waving their scimitars as they set fire to every house they passed by. She lost sight of him as the crowd now began downhill, making their way towards Edoras...

*

" What is it this time?" Asked Éomer as he buckled the sword scabbard to his waist. He was dressed in full armor, ready to begin his patrol around Rohan's borders. His subordinate stood rather despondently in the darkness of the Golden Hall in early morning. Everything was quite dark, save for the vague outline formed by the hearth and candlelight. 

" There has been another attack made by the Orcs, Lord Éomer."

Éomer spoke tranquilly.

" The casualty?"

The man looked at a small piece of paper after he unfolded it. The black ink was faintly smeared due to the haste with which the words were written.

" Current estimation is thirty-seven. Twenty-nine were men who stayed behind to fight the Orcs, and the other eight were the old and crippled."

Éomer knotted his brows in disgust. Those vicious Orcs never cared for whom they killed and how they were killed.

" Where are the survivors?"

" They are being fed outside in pavilions. There are a hundred and fourteen. The whole village was burnt to the ground, my lord. They have no place to go to - Orcs may still remain in the area."

The Third Marshal of the Riddermark sighed. He knew there was no comfort that he could give to the homeless survivors, but he had to meet them to give them encouragement. In these days of death and pillaging by the Orcs, all seemed lost.

" I shall set out for patrol after I meet them. Tell my men to wait a while."

His subordinate bowed, then left as Éomer slowly made his way to the white pavilions outside. He could hear the crying of children and mourning of adults. Bracing himself for the torment he would witness, the nephew of King Théoden exited Meduseld.

It was chaos. Old folks held the remnants of their family, crying pitifully. Little children clung to their mothers as they wailed helplessly. The sick and crippled looked on at the scene with a sense of guilt in not helping with the defense. Women wept silently as they mourned for the loss of their husbands and everything they had. They could not live on like this in constant fear and danger, subject to the cruelty of Orcs and their devastating weapons.

" I am terribly sorry that we could not come to protect your village. I shall arrange for aid to you all. Advisor Gríma shall take over this situation. I offer my condolences to you all."

He bowed as the survivors looked at him for help. They were at a loss to what they should do now. Their dependent situation made them want to rely even more on the courageous Marshal. Éomer had to avoid eye contact, ashamed that he could do nothing to make everything the way it once was. Just as he walked past the crowd, he caught sight of something familiar.

A tarnished helm, embellished with brown horsehair and brass accents, lay on the lap of a fair-haired woman. Her head hung lifelessly as her shoulders shook. For a moment he thought that he saw tears splash on the helm on her lap. Éomer could not help but think that he had seen the helm somewhere. With a flash, it came to him. He rushed up suddenly to the woman sitting alone on the ground, crying her heart out. Her fair locks were darkened with soot and dirt, pitifully unkempt and disheveled. The brown dress was caked with mud along the skirt hem, torn on a few spots, tattered all over, and mended so many times. Even her white hands were dirty, but he could not mistake them and the beauty underneath the dirt.

" Fieren?!"  
The head did not raise. Éomer knelt on the ground, then lifted the chin with his rough, abrasive hand. The face he beheld was grimy with dust and soot. Unceasing tears left trails on her cheeks. Her eyes were pink and glazed. Quivering lips attempted to speak, but failed.

" What happened?! Where is Deroth?!"  
Fieren clutched harder at the helm in her hands.

" Is he...?"

An old man came up to him.

" Deroth died as he led the men to fight the Orcs. Those vile creatures beheaded him, but he fought valiantly to the end until he stood alone. Even with a dull sword, he slew many Orcs."

Éomer nodded in thanks, then looked at Fieren. She did not speak, but bent forward as she hugged the helm as if that was her husband.

" I...I'm sorry."

A sudden surge of guilt overtook him. Éomer suddenly felt as if he had a part in his death and her sorrow. Hadn't he? Somehow? At the root of it all?

" Please, come with me."

He offered her his hand. Fieren did not move. His heart ached to see her miserably on the dirt ground like this, weeping wretchedly over the loss of her dear husband - with no family, homeless, destitute, and alone. Éomer wanted to help ease her pain if he could. If...he had thought and spoke that word so much during the last six years that it made him sick to the stomach to think of it again. Suddenly, he felt disgusted at himself.

" Let me help you."

Fieren still didn't move. Éomer could not just let her sit out in the cold like this. He put his arms through hers, lifting her by the arms. She was limp in his strong hands. There was no resistance, only lifelessness.

" Fieren!"

Éowyn came running down the steps, a blanket in her hand. As soon as she heard the news, she recognized the name of the village. She knew Fieren well.

" Come! You shall catch a cold if you stay out any longer in this chill!"

Wrapping the blanket around Fieren, Éowyn and Éomer helped the widow walk up the steps. Fieren's head fell onto Éomer's shoulder as she fell asleep. He looked down ruefully at her, pulling the blanket closer about her bare neck.

***

A/N: This isn't going to be pretty, so brace yourself! Review, please! Review to uplift the spirits of homeless survivors!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from J.R.R. Tolkien's works. I'd be happy to own them if they would be given to me free of charge...only possible in my dreams, but by Eru I have my right to dream whatever my subconscious would throw at me!

A/N: Grr! I like this idea, but it sidetracked me from the one I was planning to devote all of my attention to... Whatever. I hope you like it! It's going to be sad, I'll warn you now. Set about a year before LOTR. Please review to let me know what you think!

This chapter is around PG-13 and R (blood/gore/death/ghastly images/torture...you get the point)

***

It was inevitable that Fieren would succumb to some sort of illness through the cold, the long trek to Edoras, and the trauma of the recent days. She lay in a guestroom with a nurse tending to her needs. Éowyn visited often to check on her progress. Thankfully it was nothing too serious. Éomer came sometimes late at night, back from his long hours of patrol. He would open the door and lean on the doorframe, just gazing at Fieren from afar. Never did he go any farther than that.

*

Éomer accumulated the complete story of the tragedy after some personal interviews with a surviving messenger Deroth had sent and a trip to the decimated area that used to be the village. When a man was coming back from hunting, he saw a band of Orcs far away, bearing torches and scimitars. He rushed back to the village to warn the people. Luckily, or unfortunately, Deroth and Fieren's house lay on the border of the side to which the Orcs were approaching. That man warned Deroth first and then spread the news as he ran across the village. Deroth quickly grabbed his old sword, dirty and dull from neglect. His mind was so frantic that he never bothered to put on his old armor. Thinking solely of the only thing he had that he treasured, Deroth led Fieren out of the house.

By then the Orcs were getting nearer. Some brave farmers came with whatever they had that was close to a weapon. They came in hopes of defeating the small band of rogue Orcs with a former Rider of the Mark leading them. Although that hope was faint, it was still present nonetheless. Deroth tried to make Fieren flee for safety, but she would not go. They had gone through six hellish years together and she was not willing to part so readily from her beloved.

The fight soon began when that throng of horrified refugees bore her away. Orcs lit houses after houses on fire, laughing cruelly at the defenders so pitifully armed. Deroth had ordered the farmers to keep the line firm while he would try to destroy the stronger Orcs. It was a sound strategy theoretically, but there were many factors that could not be ignored. Deroth was not armored, the farmers had courage but no experience, and the fire continued to leap from thatched roof to another roof. Deroth was only too aware of his disadvantages, but he had to stand and fight. As a former Rider of the Mark, he could not act cowardly and flee without a fight. His indignation towards the ravaging of sacred graveyards, one of the few places he held dear to his heart, also solidified his determination to fight. He had a faint hope that he might succeed.

Deroth waited for the Orcs to approach him. He fought well against the first three Orcs, but the fourth inflicted a cut on his left arm while Deroth attempted to fend off another one charging at a farmer. With his arm throbbing and bleeding badly, Deroth clenched his teeth to prevent any sound of pain escaping from his mouth. His attacks became weaker and slower. The loss of blood began to slow down his reactions. Despite that he continued to fight. Orcs now drove at the thin line of frightened farmers while their leader fought Deroth. His dull sword became even duller as he weakly slashed at the Orc. Grinding against the iron shield of the Orc, Deroth's sword became more and more blunt and useless.

As the Orc captain toyed with bleeding Deroth, his minions had killed all of the farmers and a few old and crippled people who could not flee. One farmer escaped by the order of Deroth so he could give account of the fight to the king at Edoras. The farmer stayed behind at a safe distance, watching the rest of the event.

Deroth now stood along amongst the still dangerous group of Orcs. His vision was blurring and he felt dizzy. The arm stopped throbbing as the cuts on his legs, stomach, and back caused more problems. Although once a feared fighter, he now could not even dodge or parry any attacks.

Surrounding Orcs laughed wickedly as they took turns in torturing Deroth, inflicting cuts here and there. His clothes were shredded and damp with dark blood. There was barely enough strength in him to stand and pathetically wave his sword. Orcs laughed at him. Deroth vaguely felt the blades against his flesh. It was on his arm, back, legs, stomach, and face. A gash above his eyes sent blood down to his eyes, blinding him. He could not see well now anyways from the loss of blood.

Deroth finally fell to his knees, still holding onto his sword. He tried to get up, but found it impossible. His arms and legs were too cut up and tired to move. The former Rider of the Mark now was on his hands and knees, desperately clinging to his sword. The Orc captain walked up to the bloody human.

" Good for you that we are not hungry right now! Otherwise we would have eaten you alive!"

Deroth turned his head and spat at the direction the voice came from. Growling in anger, the Orc captain kicked Deroth. He struggled back to his hands and knees. Another Orc kicked away the sword.

" We Orcs do not care if we kill unarmed people. Prey is a prey. There is no difference whatsoever."

The Orc captain grabbed Deroth by the hair and pulled up his head. He could barely make out the figure of the filthy Orc through the layer of thick blood.

" We'll make a pretty decoration out of you yet!"

Orcs laughed maniacally as Deroth spent the last minutes of his life thinking about his life so far. Thoughts of Fieren dominated over others. He wondered if she would make it safely to Edoras. A fearful thought came to him that she might turn around and come back for him. She surely would die of torture if these Orcs caught her!

Orcs carried him towards the border of the village. One stuck a long wooden pole into the ground with the sharp end upwards. The Orc captain pointed to it.

" Do you see that? That'll be where your loved ones will find you. If you have any at all!"  
Cruel Orcs laughed. Deroth closed his eyes and saw Fieren in his mind. He hoped that Éomer and Éowyn would take care of her...if Éomer had let go of the past and emotions... Orcs set him on his knees with his head bowed down. Deroth managed to look up towards the direction of Edoras.

' May we meet again, Fieren...'

As he thought her name, the stroke fell. The messenger farmer retched as he saw that scene, sobbing afterwards. The Orcs placed the head on the end of the pole, and then threw the body into the burning heap of wood that used to be the houses. They laughed on their way back to where they came from, leaving the burning village behind them. Deroth's head faced the direction of Edoras with his fair hair fluttering in the wind. His open eyes gazed towards where he last saw Fieren...

When Éomer went to the village with his company, the first thing he saw devastated him. Deroth's face looked back at him, pale, stiff, and bloody. The gash above his eyes was severely infected, and the minor cuts on his cheeks and chin were marked with crusty flakes of dried blood. His fair hair was red at the edges, soaked with blood from the severed neck. A red pool surrounded the base of the pole. Many soldiers cried as they called out Deroth's name. He had been a benevolent and great warrior, admired greatly for his patriotism and loyalty. He had been Éomer's right hand man while he was in the military.

" Does cruelty know no bounds?!" One cried out. Éomer approached with tears in his eyes. He had to provide his best friend a proper burial, but it hurt him so much to see Deroth this way. It took great courage for Éomer to even touch the remnant of his friend, but he still did it for the sake of his friend's infuriated soul.

***

A/N: Sorry for the bloody/gory images, but that's how it would be...those blasted Orcs... Don't forget the sentence about the graveyard. It'll come out later. Review, please! Pleeeeeaaase!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from J.R.R. Tolkien's works. I'd be happy to own them if they would be given to me free of charge...only possible in my dreams, but by Eru I have my right to dream whatever my subconscious would throw at me!

A/N: Grr! I like this idea, but it sidetracked me from the one I was planning to devote all of my attention to... Whatever. I hope you like it! It's going to be sad, I'll warn you now. Set about a year before LOTR. Please review to let me know what you think!

--_Italicized words_ are flashbacks--

***

Fieren was still ill when Éomer returned with Deroth's remains carefully placed within a box. Throughout the entire burial ceremony, Éowyn held Fieren to prevent falling. Éomer's eyes stole so many glances while helping with the ceremony as the person of highest status present. Two scenes switched back and forth as he moved unthinkingly. He saw the meager box that appallingly replaced an honorable bier. The other scene that he paid most attention to was the sight of Fieren leaning against Éowyn.

Fieren was bathed and dressed in more decent clothes now. Éowyn, who provided one of her own dresses, discarded the miserable rag of a dress. The clean face and hair of Fieren seemed more real to Éomer. Her paltriness of the past few days made her seem unfamiliar to him. She looked like her former self now. Fieren's smooth facial features and silky blonde hair occupied his mind completely. Few strands of her long hair fluttered in the wind as she looked on at the painful view. She made no sound of weeping, but tears were ever present in her eyes. Her silence drew more compassion and sympathy.

When the box was buried and the formal ceremony was over, people began to leave one by one as time passed on slowly. They gave their condolences to the widow, thinking it only right that such brave woman was the wife of Deroth. Watching people pass by Fieren, Éomer knew he would soon have to return to his duties. He hoped that Théodred could cover for him while he stood dumbly. All his mind perceived was the thought that Fieren still looked beautiful. Even in grief, she possessed a dignified quality that made her appear unbreakable by any ordinary force. He did not even desire the slightest bit to think of what horrendous force could break her spirit.

Fieren seemed pale and glowing that morning. Perhaps Éomer imagined her that way in his own mind. It had been six years since he last saw her. The last time he saw her, she was riding an old horse as Deroth guided the steed by the shabby rope rein...

*

_It was a splendid day when Éomer and Théodred were out hunting with a few of their friends and comrades. Their return trip was filled with joyful greetings from the folks out in the countryside. As soon as they entered Edoras, Théodred was called off by an emergency meeting with a messenger from a nearby village. Éomer rode along with Deroth by his side. They spoke of a few different things as they entered the stable. It felt good to do something leisurely after a hard day's work._

" Let us go to Meduseld, Deroth. Have lunch with us."

Deroth agreed to it gleefully. His smile was heartwarming to patrol-weary Éomer. They looked up towards the sky when cool raindrops began falling on their heads.

" It seems that fate would have it no other way," said Deroth. They chuckled and slung their dead games on their shoulders, boasting about whose venison was the best. Deroth and Éomer climbed about one more hill, now in sight of the Golden Hall, when they saw a young maiden standing on the stone steps, her bare feet peeking at the world outside the shoes and the skirts. Her head faced the sky, catching raindrops with the curves of her face. Rain darkened her fair locks with moisture, weighing down heavily the subtle curls of her hair. Both of the men held their breath as they approached the foot of the staircase. Neither spoke at first.

" Maiden, is there something you seek within Meduseld?" Éomer asked. She tilted her head and looked down at them way below.

" I am waiting for my father. He is in a meeting."

Deroth and Éomer looked curiously at her. She was not the most physically beautiful woman they had seen, but she was certainly irresistible on her own terms. Her eyes sparkled like jewels lost in the curving lengths of creamy silk that was her face.

" Would you like to wait for him inside?"

She smiled. It made both smile in return.

" Thank you, but no."

She bowed as they began to walk away. Deroth intuitively turned and spoke.

" What is your name, fair maiden?"

The woman covered the lower half of her face with her hand as she smiled.

" My name is Fieren, my lord."

Deroth beamed almost childishly as he followed Éomer, who was also gazing at Fieren. They felt so alive all of a sudden.

Once Éomer and Deroth saw Fieren, they met more often by chance or fate. They found her quiet, but intelligent. Both of them had thought all along that they would fall in love with an indescribably beautiful woman. Now that reality had dawned in their heads, they knew there was more to a person than outward appearance and words. There had to be a special feeling that seemed strong, yet fragile - it felt as if it would all shatter to pieces if they did not protect it and nurture it.

Initially both Éomer and Deroth kept their heads straight while falling deeper and deeper into the infinite abyss of love. Keeping their heads clear also meant that there was no jealousy between them. They kept silent about their love when Fieren was around. Deroth and Éomer acted as if they were not crazy about her. Love betrayed them when clumsiness began to show itself in their actions. Both became a bit silly around her, horse playing much too often to be fitting for warriors of admirable reputation. Fieren only thought it adorable. Being around two twenty-year-olds while barely seventeen seemed unsuitable to others, especially to Fieren's parents. The only reason she was allowed to be around them so often was the fact that they were honorable men of honorable families.

Time managed to effect Deroth and Éomer in the end. They began fooling each other to see Fieren alone, speaking words like ' special friendship' and ' fondness' to her with affectionate tenderness. The two of them became more estranged as time passed. Fieren felt ill at ease when they came one by one, bringing flowers or holding her hand in the growing darkness of twilight.

On one occasion, Fieren had to ignore the two of them for a whole month. Partly it was her desire to rest in the midst of ever quickening and growing relationship with Éomer and Deroth. Her mother, who insisted that it was too cold outside for her young and delicate daughter to trample along the streets with two stalwart soldiers, confined her to the house. Deroth and Éomer stood outside her room every afternoon, waiting to catch a glimpse of her face through the windows. Every night they gave up and returned home, too crazy in love to just give up. Fieren had seen them from her room, frustrated by the nuisance they posed by calling her name relentlessly. Her mother became irritated that she tried many times to make them go away.

It was the first day without snow in a long while when Fieren was rudely awakened by the incessant tapping of pebbles against her window shutters. Midnight was well past by this time, which made Fieren even more irritated. When she finally got up to open the window, she saw Deroth standing in the little area between the side of the house and the stone walls that surrounded the large home and gardens. He seemed very awake, holding a handful of pebbles in his hand. Deroth lowered his arm that was raised to launch another little stone.

" Do you not know the definition of indecency, my lord?!" Hissed Fieren. Deroth only smiled at this reproach, too happy to behold her face. He hesitated as he dropped the handful of pebbles onto the ground where he picked them up. During the time before his pebble-throwing escapade, he nervously picked pretty white stones to calm his mind while trying to think of what to say. The small pile of pale stones beside his feet shimmered like snow.

" I...I love you!"

Fieren's eyes did not widen, but became softer in shape. A diminutive smile formed on her pink lips as she saw him nervously fidget. It seemed obvious to her that he did not really mean to say it out loud. Deroth acted like a little boy, stealing nervous glances at her above.

" Do you now?" Said Fieren with an interested tone. She leaned her elbows against the windowsill. It felt mysteriously wonderful to hear someone say it to her as a genial statement of passion, not a term of juvenile fondness. Her heart raced like never before in realization that someone saw her and loved her as a grown woman.

" I love you," Deroth whispered as if to reassure himself that he really did say it. Apparently it was not soft enough to evade Fieren's ears.

" You told me already."

His face went red, but beamed jovially when he saw her smile. The golden locks that framed her face sparkled like water reflecting the setting sun. She was his goddess now, more beautiful than beauty itself, more intelligent than intelligence itself, and more lovely than love could ever be. Deroth felt as if he could soar into the dark blue sky to pick a star for Fieren. He felt that anything was now possible.

" Will you marry me?"

Deroth had spoken too loudly for privacy. Éomer had been nearing Fieren's house that time, and when Deroth said those words Éomer's feet and heart stopped moving. Marriage? He stood still in the shadow of the house next door.

Before Fieren could recover from the surprising shock and make up her mind about the matter, her father rushed out of the house with her wife trailing behind him. Deroth bowed with his face still apple red. Fieren's father seemed flabbergasted that grown men would hang about his house at night, attempting to whisk away his young daughter when he was asleep. He wondered in his anxious excitement if his daughter snuck away every night with deceptively handsome men in shining armor. He and his wife thought that their daughter was not old enough to know love.

" This is entirely inappropriate, young man! You should know better as a Rider of the Mark! Charming away young girls like this at night! I thought you were honorable when you first began called on Fieren, but now I doubt every bit of your intention!"

Fieren spoke in defense to Deroth as she leaned dangerously far out the window. Her mother began to shriek frantically, waving her arms to signal her daughter to back away from the window.

" He has done nothing improper, father!"

Éomer faintly felt betrayed at her defense for Deroth who was in a fantastical world of his own, too ecstatic to grasp the reality of the situation. Jealousy tugged at him to swindle Deroth, his dear friend, into dishonor. His conscience fought defiantly against it, knowing that it was wrong and Fieren would hate him forever if he did such a thing. He kept his place in the shadows, watching the confused scene from his secluded location.

It seemed that Fieren's parents could not be persuaded otherwise that Deroth had done nothing wrong. A servant was sent to bring Deroth's parents, who were convinced by Fieren's parents that he must keep away from her. They looked at him disappointedly, still half-asleep. His father physically forced him along back to their house while his mother apologized to Fieren's parents. A mixture of various emotions stirred in Éomer. He felt relieved that he still had a chance at winning Fieren, yet he felt outraged that Deroth was framed of conduct unbecoming for an honorable warrior of good family name. How was he supposed to feel? Both his love and friendship threatened each other. What was he to do?

Éomer summoned enough courage to visit Fieren a few days later. He could not forget her. She lurked in every dream of his. When he met her, she was all too excited about Deroth's proposal that one night. He felt sickened to hear her talk about him - how adorable he looked when he blurted out that he loved her. He was then too blind with obsession to realize that he had never told her that he loved her. Éomer just stood up slowly.

" Is something the matter?"

He shook his head.

" No. I must return to my home."

Fieren thought it odd that he would abruptly leave. He had never done that before.

" I bid you a good night, Lord Éomer."

He did not even look back at her as he walked away. Dejection gnawed at his heart as he trudged along the dirt path to Meduseld, seeing nothing but Fieren's divine face lingering before him.

***

A/N: Longest chapter I've ever written, I think. This flashback will continue on the next chapter. I forgot to mention on previous notes that there will be one or more long flashbacks. Flashbacks are always _italicized_. Even the general outline I've made makes me all excited! Don't be mad that this story isn't exactly the happiest Éomer romance fic...it was a sudden idea I had and I wanted to make it so that it would fit in with Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings and its appendices (always my goal...except with humor/parody fics). He will have to marry Lothíriel in the end, after all. I also have a tendency to habitually write tragedy/angst fics (why is it that most classical books and movies have quite a bit of tragic elements? Rhetorical...). Sorry about the rambling... ^_^;; Review, please, my dear readers!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from J.R.R. Tolkien's works. I'd be happy to own them if they would be given to me free of charge...only possible in my dreams, but by Eru I have my right to dream whatever my subconscious would throw at me!

A/N: Grr! I like this idea, but it sidetracked me from the one I was planning to devote all of my attention to... Whatever. I hope you like it! It's going to be sad, I'll warn you now. Set about a year before LOTR. Please review to let me know what you think!

--_Italicized words_ are flashbacks--

***

_Éomer desperately tried to think of a way to tell Fieren that he loved her, but it all appeared lukewarm compared to the emotion he felt inside. He also suspected that Deroth's proposal was still too fresh with Fieren to be awed by his love. He still had to try anyways for his heart's sake._

The proud warrior, on the verge of breaking on the inside, made his way slowly to Fieren's home. He found her opening the window to her room, her hair falling like sunshine from her shoulders. He paused a moment to catch his breath, feeling breathless in her remarkable presence. She saw him standing far away, his hand to his chest. Fieren recognized that expression on his face. There was nothing for her to do but withdraw into the room, bewildered by the recent events.

Éomer rushed to her house when her face disappeared behind the brown wall. He sensed that something was wrong. When he had paid hasty greetings to Fieren's parents, they grudgingly led him to her room. They harbored some ill feelings against both Éomer and Deroth, but they kept it silent from Éomer. He was the king's nephew, after all, and a man destined to be of great importance to Rohan.

" Lord Éomer is here, Fieren," said her mother as she opened the door. The matronly woman forced a smile and left, leaving Éomer free to enter Fieren's room and tell her how he felt. As soon as one of his feet stepped over the threshold, Fieren emerged from behind the drapery. Her face was pale.

" Is she gone?" She asked. As soon as Éomer confirmed, she sat down on her bed, leaning against the headboard. She appeared dead.

" I must tell you something, Fieren. I have held it within myself for too long that it hurts to keep it to myself."

She did not look at him. He could see that she still breathed when her velvet draped chest vaguely heaved. Her hand clutched distraughtly at the white sheets on her bed. Éomer began to speak softly.

" Deroth may declared his love for you first, but I love you more than anyone in the world! I have loved you ever since I saw you that rainy day, and I could not forget about you. You dwelt in my mind, taking over me every time I breathed. If this is not love, then I am obsessed and lovesick. I am smitten with your incomparable beauty...save me from this fixation before I am lost! Say you love me!"

Fieren's hands relaxed. Her slumped figure did not move. Too excited and in the moment to wait forever, Éomer rushed up to her and knelt by the bedside. He grasped her hands and kissed them so many times until her indolence made him confused and distressed. Failing to fight back his tears, Éomer buried his face in Fieren's lap and wept silently. Did he lose her to Deroth, his dear old friend?

Tilting her head down to gaze at Éomer's fair-haired head on her lap, Fieren slid her hands out of Éomer's tight grasp. The renown and honored man, nephew to the king and son to noble parents, shook so piteously before her, hanging frantically on to her dress as if that was the only way he could keep her within his life. Her hands shook faintly as she sat up properly, reaching for his head to gently stroke his lovely hair.

" Must you make this harder for all of us?" She said after some time. Tears swelled in her eyes as she looked at him. Her voice did not quiver.

" Do you not realize this will preserve or break your friendship with Deroth?"

" Friendship? I am in love, Fieren...I am far too deep in love to recognize anything but love. I will toss all of this away if you want me to. Your wish is my command, and I am yours."

" Oh, Éomer! Please do not make this any more difficult than it already is!"  
Fieren guided Éomer's face close to her own, looking straight into his eyes. How would she tell him?

" Éomer...you hurt me with your love," she whispered. Tears swelled in her eyes as she saw his eyes widen.

" What have I done wrong, Fieren? Tell me that, and I will fix it. I will fix it, so please tell me that you love me!"

" You are too late in your confession...Deroth has already asked my parents for my hand in marriage."

Éomer backed away from her in anger and disappointment.

" What did you say?"

" I would follow him through water and fire..."

He had wild thoughts of revenge running through his head, grim and cruel thoughts of torturous acts. They would not vanish even when he tried to make them disappear.

" Even if you confessed your love for me even a day earlier, it would have made you desolate. I cannot choose between you two, but since I did not know of your love I was able to decide. Oh, Éomer, how your love tortures me! Now I am torn between you and Deroth!"

" Too late," Éomer whispered.

" Our parents have disowned us, Éomer! If I leave Deroth to be with you, he will certainly be abandoned! Your jealousy will not forgive him for many months, perhaps years, to come. If I marry you, your good name will be ruined by my 'sly' ways. If I choose you, people will think that I married you to regain what I lost by being disowned. So many things will be distorted if I leave Deroth for you. You do understand, do you not?"

Her hands held his face twisted with anger. Deroth had mislead Éomer with false security, then took Fieren for himself...it had to be. Now Fieren was bound to him by these complicated social edicts. She was right, and he could not help but feel that Deroth had planned it all. Blind jealousy neared blind rage.

" I will protect you...please, do not go with him. I will protect you from everyone if need be. I love you too much to let you go."

Fieren now saw Éomer as a naïve child. He could not see that he could ward off every gossip and tall tale. A strong warrior he may be, but he could not fight against everyone and human nature. It made her upset, but she felt pity in having to corrupt his inexperienced innocence.

" It is beyond your power."

She let go of his face, then held his tightfisted hands.

" Will you promise me something?"

He did not say anything. She went on in hopes that he would taciturnly agree.

" I want to remember you the way you once were...on the verge of greatness and unaffected by jealousy. Survive this to rise even greater. You will find someone in the end, someone who will be everything you want in a person. Be happy in knowing that sufferings do pass."

Éomer's throat closed up as he fought back unruly tears.

" What if it does not pass? What if I do not meet another like you? How can I forget about you?"

" I did not say forget, for time cannot erase all things. Learn from this experience and emerge greater than before. If your heart never stops aching, then there is nothing I can do to ease it. All I can do is pray to the stars that you shall find someone."

" If not you, even a flower born from a sea as salty as our tears shall never ease my eternal hurt. If not you, I may live on the rest of my life knowing that I missed something great in life. Without you I shall live on knowing that no one will ever replace you in my heart."

Fieren forced a bitter smile on her face as she wiped her tears by the back of her trembling hand.

" Yet you shall live on."

She staggered her way to the window, leaning to support herself. Éomer now realized what she had been trying to tell him through her seemingly apathetic implications. He first thought that she was trying hastily to make him leave, but now he knew that she was trying to give him hope even if it was nonexistent. Hope can do great things to all living beings, and right now it gave Éomer strength in hope that this would all end somehow.

" Hope keeps me."

With that he landed a warm kiss on her lips, then began to exit the room. A small bundle of few items lay near the door. It seemed that her parents would only let her leave their house with nothing but an extra pair of clothes and few meager trinkets virtually worth nothing. Éomer grieved in thought that pain and suffering would continue to follow her wherever she went.

The sun rose lazily in the cold sky, lighting the plains of Rohan with a faint light. Deroth and Fieren stood by the steps of Meduseld with Théodred, Éomer, Éowyn, and Gríma standing before them. Théodred and Éowyn had dragged along Éomer, but he had secretly hoped that they would. He wanted to see Fieren one last time before she would disappear from him forever.

" Master Gríma, Lord Théodred, Lord Éomer, and Lady Éowyn, thank you for seeing us off. Master Gríma, I am sorry to trouble you with my personal problems, but due to the recent events, I cannot continue my position as a Rider of the Mark. I am hereby submitting my request for resignation."

The pale faced Gríma nodded as he shuddered from the icy wind. Deroth then looked at Théodred.

" I an thankful for everything you have done for me, Lord Théodred. I still have one favor to ask of you in our moment of haste. Would you do the honor of marrying us? I am afraid everyone eligible for such ceremonies have declined or shut their doors on my face. I shall be forever grateful if you will do us that honor. I did not want to trouble you, but you are the only person I can turn to."

Théodred smiled understandingly, and then began a very short ceremony. With Théodred's permission, Deroth kissed Fieren's turned head. She did not want to hurt Éomer with such scenes.

" Since your father has confiscated your steed, I shall present you with any of my horses."

Deroth did not waste time in reply.

" Spare me your oldest, most weary beast of burden. I shall not trouble you any further."

Théodred had expected such reply. He sighed in pity as he called for a servant to bring an old, gaunt steed. He would only hurt Deroth's pride if he forced him to take a better horse.

" I hope you two will be happy together."

Deroth and Fieren thanked Théodred, Éowyn, Gríma, and Éomer when everything was said and done. Gríma hastened up the stairs, cursing the cold weather. Young Éowyn was surprised when the supposedly depressed Éomer broke from her grasp and walked up to the penniless newlyweds. Théodred could only guess what he spoke to them silently after brooding almost all day and night just before.

" Éomer, I thank you for everything you have done for me. I am saddened that we must part, for this city will no longer look at us with friendly eyes. We will always be friends, right?"

Deroth was well aware of Éomer's grieving heart, for they had often spoke of Fieren together. He was hoping that Éomer would not vent his anger through the path of evil. He did feel sorry, but he loved Fieren so much. All he could think of to help his friend was to move away where Éomer would never have to see the two of them together. Constant observance, if Deroth and Fieren would stay in Edoras, would only make him long even more for her. In any case, he could not stay when so many enemies were made in Edoras through his obtainment of love.

" ...Yes."

Deroth embraced his childhood and best friend, then pat him lightly on the shoulder. He went a little way forward to grab the old rope bridle and rein. He stood a bit away to let Éomer speak to Fieren. It was the least he could do. As Éomer helped her onto the horse, Fieren opened her strained and smiling mouth to speak encouraging words. Her face turned pale and her mouth shut tight when he whispered softly into her ear, his face so close to hers as he helped her up.

" My heart will not allow me to release you...you have enslaved my soul forever."

She looked back at Éomer as she was led away by Deroth. Her fear for Éomer could not be seen by anyone but Éomer and herself. The sight of young Éowyn waving hand enthusiastically did not alleviate her trepidation.

*

Éomer's heart beat so irregularly that he felt dazed and faint. Here was Fieren, so closer than she ever was in the last six years, yet he could not muster enough courage to even touch here since her illness. His heart still longed for her after all of this time, for he never stopped thinking about her, but he felt so guilty about everything that happened. Deroth chose to leave Edoras because he did not want to hurt him any further, he figured out after years and months, but Éomer could never forget that he was the reason that prompted their departure. If he had not been so bitter or so in love, Fieren and Deroth could have stayed somewhere within Edoras. If...that word made his stomach churn violently. Every day, of all six years, he wondered 'if...' He had thought of it so many times that he figured out so many possibilities that could have been reality 'if' something else had been done.

Éomer's heart almost stopped when Fieren dropped to her knees. Everyone else was gone now, leaving the three alone in the cemetery. Fieren's mask was still there, but he now saw a large fatal crack across it. It was damaged enough that he could see through the miniscule crevice and behold the anguish inside her.

' Six years of suffering...you have had more than I could ever bear. I only know of defeat in love, but you have tasted it all. How broken you must be inside...' Thought Éomer as he watched Éowyn comforting Fieren. There was no tear in her eyes. She had cried so much in the past six years that no tear would ever come, wanted or no.

***

A/N: Ok...that flashback's done, but another one will come up soon, possibly even longer. Oh, when I said that the graveyard will later be mentioned, I should have said a while later. Sorry...it'll come out in the next chapter or two, which will mostly be another long flashback. After that one, maybe small ones or none at all. This is to give you a background into what Éomer and Fieren went through in the past. Please review! I'm putting a great effort into this...reviewing doesn't really take much, so will you review? Please? *puppy eyes*...watery eyes...allergy...wait, I don't have an allergy...


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from J.R.R. Tolkien's works. I'd be happy to own them if they would be given to me free of charge...only possible in my dreams, but by Eru I have my right to dream whatever my subconscious would throw at me!

A/N: Grr! I like this idea, but it sidetracked me from the one I was planning to devote all of my attention to... Whatever. I hope you like it! It's going to be sad, I'll warn you now. Set about a year before LOTR. Please review to let me know what you think!

--_Italicized words_ are flashbacks--

***

Éomer was not blind through the six years they have been apart. He had heard bits of news and gossip to piece the story together. Many of Deroth's old comrades visited them in that little village throughout the years, and they talked about them during patrol. He could not ignore it even if he desired to do so.

The uselessness Éomer felt back then resurged within him as he gazed at Fieren. Whatever distance between them did not matter. Near or far, he could only look on in hope that she would survive her trials and tribulations. She appeared too worn that the slightest touch of emotion or memory of the past would crush her into nothingness. If he reached out for her, would she crumble? If he did not reach out, would he crumble?

*

_By morning Deroth and Fieren arrived at a small village away from Edoras. Deroth did not feel tired or sad at all, just too happy to be with Fieren. His sacrifice of family, home, and inheritance did not seem so small then. Fieren worried secretly in her 'sleeping' form, wondering so many things about their immediate and distant future. One or two early bird farmers greeted them as they walked past. Despite their shabby garments, they recognized that they were of high status. Fieren held two small bundles before her, watching Deroth guide the old horse she was riding._

' I wonder if he thinks I am asleep,' she wondered. Deroth began to slow down, then came to a halt. Wondering what was the matter, Fieren pretended to wake up from a sweet slumber.

" What is it, Deroth, dear husband?"

He turned around with a worried look on his face.

" I am sorry it had to come to this, left with nothing at all. I will keep my promise to take care of you, but please forgive our current situation. Our honeymoon should have been better."

Fieren acted as if she did not care. Frankly, she did not care much about it. She just worried that Deroth may come to harm while trying to put a roof over their heads and bread on their table. Being destitute, she had nothing but Deroth to hold on to.

" We have each other, and that is what we set out to get. I cannot ask for anything more. We can help ourselves from now on, I am sure."

Deroth smiled in gratitude. If she did not understand his remorse, he was certain she would leave him.

The two of them first found menial tasks for work, provided by the kind and sympathetic village people. They saved as much as they could of their trivial wages, sleeping in other people's homes free of charge. Folks here were very kind to Deroth due to a battle he fought hear this village a while ago. He and his troop fought off a band of Orcs to protect the people and their farms. Not forgetting their gratitude, they offered extra rooms and other basic necessities. Fieren felt glad that Deroth was such a well-liked man.

After performing demanding labors for a while, they earned enough money to build a small cabin to make a home of their own. Once they bought all of the absolute necessities, Deroth took up farming and hunting instead of working as a wage earner. The farmers were not so rich themselves, so he was only glad to be one of them than one dependent on them. He had a hard time at first with the bit of land he had, plowing and harvesting with the old horse and his own back. They both longed to see their family and friends, but could not find the time or money to spare. Work had to be done constantly to keep food on the table. Even Fieren, in a certain delicate condition, did the housework and made a little money through menial tasks. Many village women found her kind and understanding. Often they came over with their children to stay for a long time. They talked about the people and events in Edoras when she was last there. Children liked her too because she always had some little treats for them. The village people liked the couple for their hard work and amiable personalities.

When their first autumn in the village approached, Deroth not only harvested crops from the earth, but also acquired a fruit from his love for Fieren. When harvesting season was over, Fieren bore Deroth a handsome boy. However, their joy came with a price when the difficulty from birthing carried over after the baby was born. She lay ill for many days while the baby was temporarily entrusted to a kind neighbor. Deroth felt heartbroken as he sat beside hr in the dark room, hearing her apologize for things she had no control over. Within a few weeks, Fieren became well again. She resumed her work and took care of her infant son. Deroth continued to hunt throughout the winter, still troubled about Fieren's past illness.

Despite the humble success of the first harvest, Deroth failed to make a decent profit. He knew little about farming and business, which brought about ill businessmen who wanted to take advantage of him. Deroth and Fieren continued to live in poverty.

Another year passed with no extraordinary event whatsoever. A commotion did start up that winter when their son, Eranir, became ill. They worried about his health until it appeared that something was very wrong. Within a few months, their firstborn left the world of the living. Deroth and Fieren grieved much as they buried their first and only child in a village graveyard, the one place they would hold very dear - even more than their own home.

Life became complex after Eranir's death. Neither showed affection unless it was during the darkness of night. It seemed that the dark night hid them from their inability to care for even one child. They thought of it as a veil that eased their guilt. During daylight, they even avoided each other's eyes. They still loved each other despite that unfortunate event, but it only existed in the form of an understanding between the two.

For the next four years, the two lived on like two strangers who shared a house and bed. Living improved only a little for Deroth lost the eagerness he once had. They did not have a second child, too afraid of the past. Always they visited the graveyard, thinking of Eranir and the bygone happy days. Why were they so ill fated since their first meeting? Was this their fate to savor love for a short while, they suffer for the rest of their lives? Or was this not meant to be?

*

After some time the tree of them returned to Meduseld. Éomer readied to go out to patrol while Fieren stood sorrowfully on the steps. When Éomer walked out the front door, he saw her there as he did six years ago. There was no rain, cloud, or Deroth, but there was sunshine to replace it all. An odd hope rose within him as he approached her slowly. Her long hair danced in the wind as if to entice him to her. Without thought, Éomer grasped her hand.

" Does hope still keep you?" She asked. Éomer turned her around. There was no tear.

" Always."

He thought of embracing her, but assumed that he would lose his composure forever if he did. His hand became even tighter around hers. He asked " do you have hope?"

Fieren stared at his eyes so intensely that Éomer had to turn his head. He interpreted her gaze as an accusation against him.

" Perhaps."

Éomer grabbed both her arms, then halted. He had caught himself just in time.

" I...I must be off now."

He let go and began his way down the stairs. When he looked back at her, a diminutive smile was on her face.

***

A/N: Next chapter might have some PG-13 material involving...the 'k' word (ooo, big mystery...eh hem!) and such other things. Won't go up to R, though. I think this chapter contained the last flashback. Please review for crying out loud! You read, you review - isn't that clear?! Be a man or woman and submit a review!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from J.R.R. Tolkien's works. I'd be happy to own them if they would be given to me free of charge...only possible in my dreams, but by Eru I have my right to dream whatever my subconscious would throw at me!

A/N: Grr! I like this idea, but it sidetracked me from the one I was planning to devote all of my attention to... Whatever. I hope you like it! It's going to be sad, I'll warn you now. Set about a year before LOTR. Please review to let me know what you think!

***

Éomer returned from patrol late that night, weary and excited all at once. He dragged his feet along the road to Meduseld, his heart racing to see Fieren. Her smile had given him renewed vigor to pursue her love once again. That vague smile had made his insecurity and fear vanish. It planted wild dreams and expectations in the empty space, feeding the hope he long preserved.

The Golden Hall was dark and empty when he entered. Instinct guided him through the shadows, silently making his way to a room. She was the only guest in that wing of the Golden Hall, having a special past with the royal family. When Éomer reached her room, he paused to breathe. When he drew a long breath, he turned the knob. White moonlight filtered through the partially open window shutters, lighting the face that lay beneath. He called her name from the door.

" Fieren," he said softly. She stirred a moment before sitting up. When her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she stood up.

" What is it?"

Pulling her nightgown closer about her, she walked up to him. Sleep still had hold over her as she gazed at his face. His face was charming in the pale moonlight.

" Your smile...was that hope? Do you still have hope for us?"

He held her hands as she looked blankly at him.

" Hope? Éomer...did I not tell you before that I could never choose between Deroth and you? Do not bring up old wounds to tear apart again."

" But there is hope! I never stopped thinking about you since you left. Do you remember the kiss? The farewell kiss? It was all I had of you all along, and its fading. Can you not revive it?"

Fieren only watched him grow more jovial. He smiled as if he never smiled before, caressing her face with his rough hand.

" I still love you," he said. With that he pulled her close and his face hovered over hers. Éomer's lips connected with Fieren's. As soon as he was lost in her unmoving lips, he forgot all about the present. He now lived in the image of the past, knowing nothing but love. She offered no reaction to his display of affection, observing his hands and lips on her as if she was separated from her body. No emotion would rise up from the still ashes of her soul.

Éomer's hand roamed about her arms and waist as he guided her to the bed. Fieren's first reaction came when she refused to be gently laid down on the soft sheets. She broke the union of their lips and buried her face in his broad chest when he placed her on the bed. There was no tear in her eyes still.

" Stop...you do not want to do this."  
Éomer's eyes had been closed all along, and bewildered in a world of fantasy. When he opened his eyes, her face was only inches from his own. His heavy armor anchored him down on her gaunt body. Curtained by his golden hair, their faces became secluded in a world of their own.

" You took a part of me when you left. I have a void within me that incessantly aches. When you smiled today, my wound began to mend. I have told you before also that only you could ease my pain. Now here you are, not even escaping my kisses, trying to tell me I do not want to do this?"

He got off of her and sat beside her. Fieren curled into a tight ball, facing away from him. He sighed and brushed back his disheveled hair.

" I am sorry, Fieren. I lost control."

Rising to leave, Éomer looked back at her. Resurgence of guilt swept over him as he left.

' What have I done?'

*

When Éomer exited his room next morning to leave for patrol, he heard a disturbing news from his sister Éowyn. Fieren had quietly left the Golden Hall early this morning, taking nothing but the clothes on her back and Deroth's old helm. He was devastated because he knew why she had left so secretly. If he just did not do anything so foolish as the night before, she might have stayed beside him.

" I shall look for her while you are gone. Do you know anywhere she may be?"

He could not speak.

" I will look for her, so do not worry. She may not be so far away."

He just nodded as he walked away. Fieren left him again. She left him again because of his thoughtless actions. How would he face her again after all of this?

It did not surprise Éomer that his sister found Fieren, but it made him more uncomfortable when he heard that she refused to be taken back. Éowyn managed to keep her within Edoras until Éomer would return. His sense of guilt made him hesitant to meet her after that disaster. Would she be afraid of him?

Éowyn dragged him along, suspecting that something had happened last night. Despite her curiosity, she kept silent. She closed the door to a room in the tavern, then left for Meduseld. Fieren and Éomer stared at the floor quietly.

" I am sorry about last night. I should not have done that."

Fieren looked away.

" Speak no more of it."

Éomer fidgeted until he could no longer endure the silence.

" Please come back to Meduseld, Fieren. Where else will you go?"

She did not look at him, but fingered the plume on Deroth's helm.

" I will find someone to work for. I have done it before to survive, and I will do it again. I will not make the mistake again of accepting charity."

When Éomer thought he would lose her forever, she looked up at him. There was no anger or disappointment in her eyes, but as a part of her past sorrow was ever present. Éomer felt that Deroth was gazing at him from behind Fieren's eyes.

' I killed him,' Éomer thought. ' Deroth became desperate to win Fieren because he knew I loved her too. He sacrificed everything he had for love, and made a new life from scratch. He left his beloved Edoras in respect for my grieving heart...and me. He died because my anger drove him away from this haven.'

He could to tear his eyes away from Fieren.

' My rash action makes it seem that I wanted him to die so I could win back Fieren. Was it? If I pursue her for love, we will both become what she and Deroth once was - except she will hate me for ruining myself more than her. What is a man to do when love and honor are on the line?'

Fieren did not perceive his thoughts as she looked at him. All she saw was a man who longed for love.

" You know it will hurt you more if you try to keep me here? You know it will drive me farther away from you?"

Éomer buried his face in his hands as he breathed heavily. Fieren thought he would lose control once again. Memory of last night flashed in her mind. It brought neither pleasure nor pain. She felt nothing now. Harsh reality of life took away everything from her, even the ability to feel.

" You never answered me when I asked you to promise me something. Tell me now. Will you?"

_Survive this to rise even greater. You will find someone in the end, someone who will be everything you want in a person. Be happy in knowing that sufferings do pass..._

Did he not survive his first rejection to be more confident in what he wanted out of life? Did he not find Fieren again after six years, still everything he wanted in a person? Was he not happy when she returned and his suffering passed? How could he answer this when the promise was already fulfilled?

" I cannot jeopardize your future and greatness by being a tainted wife. I also have an obligation towards Deroth for the love and the child we shared. If I marry you now, the precious memories of yesteryear will fade with the vow we may swear. So many things make this union impossible. I love you - yes, I love you, I have confessed it now - but my love for you prevents me from physical love. Do you understand?"

Éomer wished that she did not tell him that she loved him. It made his decision even more difficult to make. How could a man in love deliberately choose not to love?

" Would it not be more proper if you married me? You would not be a widow that everybody would view with superficial pity. You would be with me and I with you. Would...would it not be better if you married me instead of another man?"

Fieren hugged the helm closer.

" It is more suiting socially, but _I_ cannot allow it. I cannot bring myself to love you like I should. I am void of any emotion that I once had as a young girl. It would hurt you more to be forever with my outer shell than to live forever with the memories you have me as I once was. How cruel fate is! Must it make you suffer because I suffered?"

She rose an walked over to Éomer. He wrapped his arms around her and wept softly. She caressed his head gently as she remembered that day he confessed his love to her.

" Free me, Éomer. Love me if you still wish, but release me."

Éomer fought within his mind. Should he sacrifice everything for Fieren and repeat the doom she and Deroth shared, or let his chance at love seep from his love-longing hands like water through his fingers? Should he save himself and love whatever was left of Fieren, or save Fieren from self-destruction and live on as he did for the last six years...loving her from far away?

He ceased to weep and then rose from the chair. Fieren seemed tired of the world, ready to part with the living and meet her family in the beyond. His choice became so clear.

" For your sake I release you, but I will always love you no matter what. Remember me - do not forget our love."

Fieren showed a vague smile, then took a step forward. Her lowered face lifted to meet his, and she kissed him. Just when she parted, Éomer returned the kiss solemnly. A moment passed like a year before they ceased. Fieren bowed to him, then proceeded out of the room. Éomer's eyes followed her down the hallway as he leaned against the doorframe, exhaling slowly and softly. Her vanishing form engraved itself in his head, a somber scene of sacrificing love for love. If his sacrifice would be worth the damage, Éomer did not know.

***

A/N: WAIT! THIS FIC ISN'T DONE YET!! I STILL HAVE A CHAPTER LEFT! Yes, one more. I hope you all know what Fieren's talking about...one of those things in life that not everybody experiences. By the way, I haven't forgotten poor Deroth...


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from J.R.R. Tolkien's works. I'd be happy to own them if they would be given to me free of charge...only possible in my dreams, but by Eru I have my right to dream whatever my subconscious would throw at me!

A/N: Grr! I like this idea, but it sidetracked me from the one I was planning to devote all of my attention to... Whatever. I hope you like it! It's going to be sad, I'll warn you now. Set about a year before LOTR. Please review to let me know what you think!

***

One long year passed since Éomer's last meeting with Fieren. He had heard some news of her every now and then from a friend who lived in the same village. Other than that, he kept his feelings to himself and tried to live as she asked of him. During that year, Éomer pursued Orcs and other intruders with great personal grudge. He wanted to repay the pain he caused Fieren by making sure that no one else would suffer such fate. Never did he ignore his duty and personal obligation to eliminate all enemies from his homeland.

Although this was done mostly in respect to Fieren and Deroth, he gained renown for it from all of Rohan. He rose quickly through the ranks by everyone's blessings - especially Théodred's. Since his father's strange illness, the Prince of Rohan had gained more authority than before, although Gríma still had some potency as the king's advisor.

Éomer had his own share of grief in this world, but he never forgot about others who were close to him. He tried his best to look after his sister Éowyn, but the long hours away made it impossible to truly protect her. Sometimes he felt that she was being secretly preyed upon, but it was only a feeling. He also began to take notice that Gríma began increasingly to challenge Théodred's power through the excuse that he was the king's advisor. It was appalling that such sniveling coward would dare to defy the prince, but if Théodred would allow it, so would he. It still made him huff with anger when that craven fellow talked back to the prince. If he had any sort of honorable fortitude and military experience, Gríma would not dare question Théodred's decisions.

His repent never died during that year. Éomer tried to forget it and live on, but it always crept back into his mind at nights. Night was the loneliest time of the day for the Third Marshal. It was the only time of the day when there was no duty or people around him to distract him from thoughts of Fieren. Sometimes he wondered if it was a mistake to let her go, even if only her shell was all that was left of her. Already he suffered so many tragedies of life that even a hollow body of Fieren seemed more than enough to make him forget the pains.

*

It was a terrible day when the news of Théodred's fall in the Fords of Isen reached his ears. His cousin had been the most supportive adult since the king's illness. Théodred had always been on Éowyn and his side. He was like an older brother Éomer never had. Because of that close relationship, Éomer was utterly distraught to hear of that news.

He took a company of loyal warriors along to find him. When they reached the ford, it was as awful as anything he had seen before was. Bodies of both Men and Orcs were strewn all along the hazy ford, and the water ran pink with blood. It was obvious that both sides had fought down to the very last fighter, but there was no standing survivor. Éomer knew from experience that a surviving Orc would do hideous things to the bodies of its enemies.

Éomer gave orders for the men to search for the beloved prince. It took a while to examine the faces of the warriors, but someone found Théodred soon. Still, it was not soon enough to save him. When they arrived back to Edoras, he had lost too much blood to be saved by any art of healing. As soon as the healer confirmed the inevitability of Théodred's death, Éomer rushed up to the feeble king to present his findings at the ford.

After he spoke the accusation and showed the evidence, that spineless creature Gríma dared to defend the wicked Saruman of Isengard. Éomer had always suspected the dastardly advisor of some sort of corruption, but he never expected it to be so evil. He could see everything now. The answers to all of his suspicions came to him like a flash of lightening as he heard that pale insect speak. As soon as he saw a chance, Éomer cornered the craven little coward.

After questioning his motives for such malicious actions, Éomer also connected Gríma's interest in Éowyn to his motive. When he was about to knock him back to the unknown beyond that he sprang from, the pathetic excuse of a human being exiled him. None of the guards doubted the dubious document, and Éomer could not convince them. They were somehow bound to Gríma's will.

Riding off with a company of loyal and patriotic Riders of the Mark, Éomer left Edoras even without saying farewell to his sister. Trying to keep his mind off of his hurt pride and patriotism, the Third Marshal rode away from Edoras without looking back.

A couple days had passed before a strange event struck him like thunder in a dry sky. A man, an Elf, and a Dwarf were running across Emyn Muil chasing after a band of Uruk-hai. He had never seen a Dwarf or an Elf, but he was not completely shocked. This was the time of uncertainty and anything could happen in these dark years.

After giving them permission to continue their chase through Rohan, Éomer continued to ride away with his company in hopes of killing other bands of Orcs roaming freely in the land of the Horse Lords. Banishment did not matter when innocent people were being killed by the vile Orcs.

*

When Gandalf Greyhame arrived at his camp in Emyn Muil, Éomer could not think of anything but fear for his king and people. It also surprised him that Shadowfax bore him with such obedience. As soon as Gandalf told the tale of the death of Théodred, the return of Théoden's health, and his decision to evacuate the people to Helm's Deep, the Istari spoke to the Third Marshal with grave privacy and seriousness.

" I know that the things I have already told you are more than your heart can bear for one day, but I have more news."

Éomer looked up at the old man from his hands. He had not cried or ranted in rage, but just silently covered his face with his broad hands. After the whole ordeal with Deroth and Fieren, he could not act so surprised at any news of grief and sorrow. What could be so private and important that the wizard would keep it until all else were told?

" More? How could there be more ill news? Is my sister all right?"

Gandalf nodded.

" Aye, your sister is fine, but it is not her that this story revolves around. This concerns the burning of Westfold."

Although he heard of the village often, his tired mind could not connect it to any memory. After a while, he remembered.

" Go on! What happened?!"

Gandalf saw that tactful words were no use to a man of such concerns.

" A band of wild hillmen and herdfolk of Dunland, corrupted by the evil Saruman, came with weapons and torches to destroy Westfold. Some survived, and others did not."

Gandalf paused a moment.

" Have you heard of her life since her departure?"

Éomer nodded. His informative friend had told him general, but important facts that disappointed him.

" Well, the man Fieren married was a deceptive man, as you know. Because he only cared for his own hide, he left beforehand with the only horse they owned. When the folks of Dunland came, she was caught in the midst of a panicked crowd. Needless to say," Gandalf looked understandingly at Éomer as he continued, " the Orcs caught her with other village folks. I have seen the rubbles of Westfold as I came here, and it is not bearable."

" What? Did she not have a merciful death?"

His voice wavered and trailed into silence as he looked imploringly at the Istari. If her life was to end, he could not imagine any other way than a peaceful death for her tortured soul.

" Éomer, Third Marshal of the Riddermark, have you forgotten the limitless cruelty of Orcs to their prisoners?"

Éomer's face turned pale.

" I found piles of bodies scorched and blackened, covered with ash. I could not distinguish one from another, Éomer. Even if I could it would only be a part of the person, for the Orcs dismembered the women, children, and the old before burning their bodies. I am sorry to inform you of such dreadful death to your loved one, but I am sure that you were in her last thoughts."

" Yes, perhaps. I just hope it was not in displeasure."

" How could she? I can read it in your mind that she truly did love you."

Bereft of his first love, Éomer could not speak any further. The shock had not settled yet. He imagined that it would linger for a long time, if it would disappear at all. Even if he could live beyond this tragedy and start a new life, she would linger in some dark corner of his mind. How could he forget her? She was the only thing he loved so dear, but could not attain. She was his first love and such thing is unforgettable to any living being.

" I shall not provoke you into a path of ruthless revenge, but I will try to convince you that as a man who know the true value of love and friendship, you must make it your duty to protect your country from all evil. Survive this and rise greater than ever before."

Éomer smiled bitterly when he heard that. It seemed that Fieren would not let him live any other way.

" Survive and rise even greater...how else can I face her when I leave behind this world of the living?"

Gandalf gave a friendly smile to reassure him of the rightness of his decision.

" Let us ride as soon as we may. Your king, sister, and people are waiting for you to come to their aid."

Éomer embraced Gandalf for his kind words and advice. He exited his tent to give orders to move out on the first daylight.

***

A/N: COMPLETE!!! YAY!!! I actually cut back a few chapters from my original plan because I didn't get enough reviews. I need reviews for inspiration, people! No review=no inspiration=less chapters and excitement. That's my equation for work ethics. If you want some humorous stuff to relieve the heaviness of this fic, and to see Éomer trying to explain a thing called Spiritnet, go read Ch. 6 of "What If?" REVIEW NOW, PEOPLE!!


End file.
